“It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before!!!!”
That’s Chris Harrison hyping ABC’s two-night finale of
“The Bachelor.” Could he actually be telling the truth this
You know where we left off: Cassie smashed Colton’s heart,
sending him into a fence-jumping, road-running, mind-boggling
Of course, we have many questions: Where’d he go? … Has he
left the show? … Does he have proper footwear?
After forcing us to sit through a retrospective sizzle reel, and
shots of Chris hanging with a studio audience, we finally return to
the action in Portugal.
There are dogs barking and cries of “Colton come back!” as
Chris and producers attempt to track the AWOL Bachelor in the dead
At last, he is found — alive — but he tells Chris that
“he’s done.” He’s a blubbering wreck. “Every time I put
myself out there, I get (bleeping) rejected,” he says.
Chris urges him not to “discount Tayshia and Hannah G,” but,
no, Colton wants out.
Cut to: The next day. Chris meets with Colton in his hotel room.
Colton tells him he was falling in love with both Tayshia and
Hannah, but he FELL in love with Cassie and shut his heart off. He
thinks Cassie loves him, too, but is just “scared to admit
“Life without Cassie wouldn’t be complete,” he says,
insisting that he wants to fight for her.
And so let the dumping begin.
Colton starts with Tayshia. He tells her that he owes her
“respect and honesty,” but his heart is with Cassie.
She wants to go inside — away from the cameras, but their
conversation is still being recorded. They’re both crying — and
we are cringing. This is Colton’s “Arie” moment and it’s
painful to watch. But Tayshia is handling it with class. She seems
almost more apologetic than he is. Surprisingly, she’s the
Back on the “live” portion of the show, Tayshia and Colton
meet for the first time since the debacle in Portugal. They hug
politely. “I thought we had something really special,” she
says. “What was missing?
Colton tells Tayshia that he broke up with her out of respect.
That he didn’t want to be “half in.”
“I gave all of myself to Cassie,” he explains. And we can
actually respect that. How many other Bachelors, after all would
have played the “game” out to the end even if they had homed in
on one woman. The big lug is actually showing some integrity
Tayshia wishes the best for Colton and thanks him for the
memories. Classy woman! We are rocking with Tayshia! Can she be our
OK, now back to Portugal. Hannah G. is next on Colton’s hit
list. He breaks the Cassie news to her and Hannah is in a state of
disbelief. “What didn’t work?” she wonders. But he
doesn’t have an answer.
“You’ve helped so much. You made me better,” he tells her,
but Hannah is tired of being a therapist.
“That’s what I do,” she replies. “I make everybody
better and they don’t want to stick around.”
The tears start flowing. Hannah is hurt and embarrassed and
crushed. She thought a big shiny rock was in her future. And Colton
doesn’t help matters by saying: “I don’t know if I’m making
the right decision.”
Oh, dude. She does NOT want to hear that right now!
“I didn’t want to leave here without you,” she says before
hugging Colton and watching him leave. Outside, Colton is
“I don’t know if I’m giving up a sure thing for something
that’s impossible,” he moans.
Back in the studio, Hannah is reliving the pain. “I’ve been
dreading that moment for months,” she says. “… I thought it
was me and him the whole time.” She remains confused over what
happened. Her heart is “bruised.” And she wants answers. But
right now, she’s no longer in love with Colton.
When he appears on stage, Colton takes the same stance he did
with Tayshia. He couldn’t be “all-in” with her — and she
didn’t deserve to be a “backup plan.”
Hannah lets her resentment show. “What Cassie did to you was
exactly what you did to me,” she says. Tell him, Hannah!
Still, she ends the discussion on a lighter note and looks ahead
better days: “I want somebody to jump a fence for me.”
Don’t we all, Hannah? Don’t we all. Hey, Hallmark: Print
that on a Valentine’s card!
Now, former Bachelors Blake Horstmann, Jason Tartick, Ben
Higgins and Garrett Yrigoyen take the stage. Yes, ABC is padding
this two-hour episode, which has had, oh, about 15 minutes of vital
programming. The guys are here to talk about how odd it is that
there are no women left on “The Bachelor,” be we almost
instantly forget everything they’ve said.
OK, now back to Portugal. “All of this is over,” Colton
proclaims. It looks to be a wrap on the strangest season of “The
But wait! He doesn’t want to head back to the states without
Cassie, who just happens to still be in Portugal (How convenient!).
She’s packing up, though, and can’t wait to be back with her
family. That can’t be good.
But Colton is “willing to do anything and everything” to win
her love and like a hero in a mushy romantic comedy, he rushes to
her hotel room and knocks on the door and … fade back to the
Say what?! A cliffhanger! Noooooooo!
Will Cassie give Colton a second chance? Or will he be left once
again? Most importantly: Does he remain a virgin?
Stay tuned for Part 2 and a finale that Chris calls “truly
But haven’t we heard that before?
Source: FS – All – Interesting – News 2
‘The Bachelor’ finale: Let the dumping — and crying — begin